My Dearest Cake - My Breast Friend - My Cloud Nine - My soul mate

Lil Miss Cupcake Tuesday, June 18, 2013

So many people have been asking me lately why I no longer speak to the woman I once called my best friend and mostly I answer "we just separated". Well, after so many questions directed my way, I decided to tell my side since I assume she has been getting the same questions. I made a choice for MY life, which she did not agree with. As my best  friend she should have given her advice and left it alone. Instead, she berated me and put our friendship on hold. So that left me wondering, what kind of friend drops a treasured friendship over something she had nothing to do with? As her friend, I always supported her choices. I gave her advice, but ultimately I know it's her life and whatever the outcome she will have to deal with the consequences, but as her best friend of course I would be by her side holding her up, clearly she did not share the same opinion. What gets me, is after I cut off communication, she went back to her ex, the one who "broke her heart a hundred times". So my question to her would be, why is it ok to make a decision about YOUR life, but it wasn't ok for me to do the same? As my friend you should have supported me. If the situation turned out like you predicted then as my best friend you should have been there to pick up the pieces like I have and would have done for you. You left me alone and broke my heart. I would have never abandoned you. How can someone call another a best friend when they are needed the most they desert you? I still miss her. She truly is a great woman and there really is nothing bad to say about her other than we differed in our definition of friendship. I wish the best for her, I always will. Life moves forward and I'm sure she will agree she has moved on and found her happiness. I wish we didn't have to go through this, but for whatever reason this was our destiny. 

My Response:

Aesa June 21, 2013 at 2:40 PM

It was never the decisions you made Cake. It was that through your decisions I nearly had a heart attack with the stress of worrying over you. Not knowing if you are dead or alive, and then finding out you tried to kill yourself, over a pathetic excuse for a man? Yes, we make mistakes, clearly I know as I have made a ton of them. I never abandoned you; I had to make a decision to step back from the situation. Did it break my heart, every day? Does it still affect me? Yes, it does. DO I miss you..With every fiber of my being. I talk about you all the time, and I wonder if you are even alive still.

I am always here for you, but what you fail to understand is that when you start trying to kill yourself, and I have to sit here and watch it, day in and day out, that is when our friendship became abusive. Whether you meant it or not to be that way, you were emotionally abusing your friends. So I did what was best for my life. I stepped back, because for the whole time you were in the hospital and on 51/50 I was so stressed, and grief stricken that I couldn’t eat, or sleep and all I did was cry. Is that healthy for a friendship?

My best friend, Cake was someone I always counted on to be the ray of sunshine to build my day. She is an amazing woman and deserves all the happiness in the world. To this day she is an amazing mother, a beautiful woman, kind, cheerful, and would go through hoops to please people. She is submissive, a little princess but not in the bad way. A few months ago devastation hit our friendship in the name of her ex douche bag.

She is in love with him, and I don’t blame her. He has a charm about him, but as Christina Perri sings he just collects hearts in jars. He sucks the very light from your soul. Now clearly I should be kind about this man since my friend loves him so much, but here is why I won’t.

He made promises, lead her on and said he loved her and still wanted to be with her. Then turned and handed her divorce papers. Which sent my best friend, someone I love and treasure into such a deep depression that she attempted to kill herself. If it wasn’t for her mother, she would have died. Leaving behind a beautiful son without a mother.

 During this entire time, I called and called and called trying to get ahold of her, because I wasn’t in the area she lived. I called the police in the area she lived in three times a day for a week but because I wasn’t family they wouldn’t give me any information.  My roommate had to force me to eat, I was crying left in right. Friends were trying to console me. Nothing worked. I couldn’t sleep and the little bit I got was filled of nightmares of my best friend dying.

So when I heard my friend tell me that her husband wants her back after all this, and doesn’t want the divorce. You can see why I was upset. I went through hell just as she did, but why couldn’t she see that being her friend was worth more to me than my own health. After hearing she was going back, I realized how abusive our friendship was turning out to be.

It was not healthy being so close that I got sick because of stress, worry, and grief. I stepped back. Sure words were flown at each other in anger, because I was hurt that she didn’t care about our friendship more than some dumb ass penis. I still would to this day do anything for her, and I hope one day she realizes that I do in fact love her, but she willingly put herself back into a situation where she could get so down to try and kill herself.

To me, that is abusive to those around you. I love my friend, but I have to love myself more. I am starting to learn this.  I hope one day she can love herself more to tell this prick that goes on and hurts her day in and day out that it’s over, and that she never contacts him again.

 

I love you Cake. I always will! I miss my breast friend!