First AOA assignment

I was 19 years old when I first entered the alternative lifestyle. It was purely online, and I never took it very seriously. A few years went by, before I started to hear about people living within the Gorean lifestyle. I googled it, and to me it sounded like some strange video game. It wasn’t until I met my first Gorean Master that I truly began to understand this realm. At first I didn’t take it seriously, I was young and naïve. I enjoyed the kink, and rituals. I believe I didn’t take it seriously because of society and how I was raised. This couldn’t be real, there are no such things as slaves, which go against our rights!

So I began to read the books. The first 5 of John Norman’s writings were dry to me. Hard to process, but still interesting. It wasn’t until I started diving more into the slave side of the books. I was starting to notice a change. I was fighting it. I didn’t think I was normal because I started to feel the need of having a Master of my own. I started to feel that urge to walk barefoot, dress in the fashion of slaves, or not even wear clothes at all. I began to feel the emptiness without a collar on my neck, or a leash to lead me. Most certainly I felt out casted from my own people because I felt the need and desire to serve and please men. This is what I was taught as a girl growing up in my community. My own mother raised me to believe I didn’t need a man to support me, and that I most certainly didn’t need to serve a man in such a fashion. If this is so true, why do I ache to serve so deeply?

I began diving into the community of people with similar minds like myself. I began to research more the things that I felt were lacking. Finding parts of my submission that I crave and reading this information only made this need within me to burn brighter. I was addicted. I still am. My thinking process has been altered. I no longer follow society’s standards. I still felt ostracized and alone. I was a freak to people, and should they ever find out what would become of me? I hid myself from the world, trying to hide this desire. It did not work very well, simply made me more depressed.

So, here I am. It has taken me 8 years to get to a place where I can admit that I am a slave girl. That I serve a man, on my knees, naked, in his collar. That what pleases him is my only wish and want. It doesn’t make me some weird person. It might go against what my society expects but I don’t have to be ashamed of my desire, or my need. I don’t have to run from it or hide it. I can stand up and say this is me. I LOVE men, I want to serve men, and be put to use for their whims. I want to please them and make them happy. Without them I am nothing.

I can’t truly put into words why I ache to be kajira. It is my heart that beats for it, every fiber in me that has to be at the other end of the whip. It is who I am. Who I want to be, and what I need. I need to serve men, as best as I can. I no longer care what people think of me, so long as my Master/Masters find me pleasing that is all I care about now. I know I have a long journey ahead of me, always changing, learning, re-learning and gaining knowledge to better my submission, to better serve every day, but the fact of it is. I want to. This is my decision, to kneel helplessly knowing that if I do wrong I can and will be sold, punished, or released, the fact is I will strive every day for perfection, because that is what my Master expects of me, and I want nothing else in this world!