Journal Three Insecurities

Today I woke up so sore. Falling down the stairs really did a number on my body. I woke up and took the coldest of showers too which did not feel so good on my muscles. Thankfully I didn’t fall down the stairs today. Although my little brother did. I laughed for obvious reasons. No one was harmed! I didn’t do much however, just spent some time online with my Master.

This was good at first. We were busy playing our game, but then he suddenly afk’d. This really irritated me. Not so much for him AFKing, but more because we only get so much time together as it is. He said his back was hurting too, so he went offline today earlier than normal. That I don’t fault him on at all, I just want him to get better.

So my Master collared my friend too. It is strictly just for role play, but the jealousy twinge still kicks in. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my friend and she has a man in real life, but I try my hardest to get around sharing. I don’t like hearing that he was online spending time with her when I am not around. It makes me feel left out. That is part of my insecurities. I am really trying to not listen to them. If anyone has any ideas how to get over stuff like this, please let me know.

Journal 2 Family Fued

Where do I begin? Today was supposed to be a joyous day. It wasn’t! To start my day, I fell down seven stairs, which caused me to hit my head. Then I proceeded to have a migraine for the rest of the day. On top of it all, my Master, and my Role play father, in our game decided to have an argument. My Role play father went too far, and admitted he was madly in love with me in Real life, and wanted to be with me.

Now I feel I have to distance myself. This is hard for me because I care for him so much, but not in the way he wants me too. I just don’t get it. He should never have crossed those lines. After he did however, he then proceeded to tell me if I follow certain orders from my Master, he will kill him. Well, that’s not exactly fair. He has slaves of his own, which are expected to follow his commands at all times. I in turn, will follow my commands as expected of me.

I don’t want to choose between them two. I know who will win. I just don’t want to choose at all. It isn’t fair to me to do so; needless to say I am tired of their drama fighting. Why can’t they both just grow up, and say look. I was fucked up, let’s move past this and get over this hurtle. If I can, why can’t them?

Journal Entry 3-17-2013

   



     Today was rather long for me. I didn’t sleep very well. My knee was killing me, and it made me toss and turn all night. My eyes are burning still, as if I am tired. I am unsure if it is because I am tired, or if it is because of my new eating habits. On top of that, I am sick and tired of being around my family. On top of which, my parents are basically trying to take over the raising of my daughter. It took all of my strength to not yell at my mom today. I love her, but some days I just want to punch her in the face.

    Other than that I was so happy to hear my Master’s voice today. Hearing him in the morning is so soothing to me. I think I could just hear him rant about anything, and I would find a calming place in my head to just relax. All the bad things in the world disappear; and all that remains is just the two of us. The fact that I feel closer to him now, than I ever have is amazing. We have had so many problems in the past. I think most of it is contributed to a certain person that we both know.

I am once again reminded of my lesson to not listen to rumors. Not only that, but trusting people. It is the hardest thing for me to do, but when you know someone for two years, and they have never let you down you tend to start trusting them. The fact this person was so shady, and deceitful in the end, makes me wonder if they were like this to begin with. I still do not understand that if you are so honest and dependable, why someone would be so cruel.

    I am determined however, to make this work with my Master. I know he isn’t perfect, and neither am I. I will remember that when we are working through our issues. I am also hoping to remember who I am, and to always know my place. I know I will screw up occasionally, but I am pushing myself every day to push through my fears.

My New Slave Rules

My girl will not back talk to her Master. Under no circumstances will argue with her Master.

My girl will do as her owner asks, with no hesitation.

My girl will ask permission from her Master if she is allowed to reply to her Im's, unless it is her family.

My girl will know that her Master is only wanting the best for her, so she will ask permission to do just about anything, besides breathing.

My girl will have no sexual encounters with anyone her Master does not approve.

My girl will speak to her Master about anything she is not sure about, She will not be afraid to ask her Master about questions, Rl, Or Sl. She is his in both.

My girl will speak to her Master appropriately, and if company is around, she will refer to him as "Babe, Honey, or something along those lines." If she is alone with her Master, she will call him Master, or she will be punished.

My girl will finish every sentence with Master, or she will be punished. (If speaking to her Master.)

My girl will ask her Master if it is ok to speak to other people in text. (Unless family members.)

My girl will ask permission to go AFK while talking to her Master. (this includes BRB)

My girl will have NO, Absolutely 0 negative thoughts about herself. She is her Masters Pride and Joy, she will not think anything less of herself.

My girl will write a private journal and write every day before she goes to bed, and show it to her Master. She will not be punished for anything she says in this Journal.

My girl will reply ASAP when she is spoken to her Master.

My girl will exercise every day for at least a half an hour. She is to be careful at all times with her Knee.

My girl may eat what she pleases, but she needs to be healthy.

My girl will do ABSOLUTLY NO DRUGS unless prescribed by a doctor.

My girl will speak her mind to her Master, respectfully.

My girl will never tell a Lie, Cheat, or hide anything from her Master.

 My girl is her Masters Pride, if she is being harassed by anyone, she will speak to her master and tell him about it. She knows she is completely safe with her Master.

My girl will go to bed when her Master tells her to. No exceptions. (If she cannot sleep, she Will text her Master.)

My girl will not touch herself without her Master’s permission