You Don't Know Me

I was having a conversation with someone yesterday about Gor being real. It was rather interesting, we discussed how the alien siting’s could have been ships of acquisition, and Goreans coming down to take people to Gor. The conversation then took a turn for something else.

It sooner became a conversation of what if you were taken to Gor?

I instantly said I would fall in love. Like instantly feel like I was right at home. Then the other person said, you’re too outspoken, too independent to even survive on Gor. So sure here in real life I am independent and usually the one taking care of everything.

Truth be told the only reason they said that I personally believe is because I do not see them as a Master, or even a Dom. Just because I don’t act submissive towards them, does not mean that I am not submissive at all.

I personally think I would be ideal for Gor. My personality alone, I am easy to get along with, and I can adapt well, and fast. I aim to please, so sure I might get beat with a whip once in a while, but you know something. So did the girls in the books too.

I don’t know why I am ranting about this; it just got under my skin. This person doesn’t know me that well obviously, and well I don’t think after their strict criticism that I want them to truly know me.

Yearning

So I am reading Kajira of Gor. I pick and choose what books I want to read now, I will eventually read them all. Though this book is truly how I feel. They do it in the views of the Tatrix (female ruler) and she is talking about how agonizing it is. How she dreams about being a slave, or what it would feel like to serve men. She also talks about how she loves men, all men, and wants to serve them but she is fighting herself.

I do that. I fight myself. I want to be a slave, with my whole heart I know I am one. I play a free woman in Gor, and it kills me. How can I be a free woman when I want to kneel and please men. I want them to Master me, to make me yield in all the ways a woman should.

I want to kneel and beg to serve and to be taken and forced to be truly a woman, truly feminine truly to what I am to be. I hate that I have honor and integrity and that I keep my word. Why cant I just be happy being a slave? Why cant people just realize that is who I am, what I am?

To House of Vorheart and my loved Friends

A very dear dominant friend of mine, asked me to write a blog as to why I keep coming around. On second life, I am collared to his slave house. I help him train slaves, or at least will be helping. Truth be told I met him through my ex-girlfriend. I submitted to him to train. Now I know I didn’t need training. I pretty much knew it all. Anything they really need in Gor I had it down. I believe however that you never stop learning. You can always learn more and more with each time you allow yourself to learn.

This man told me a long time ago that I knew enough as it was. That he had no idea why I wanted to be trained. Truth is I learned much about myself during his training. I also learned more proficient ways to my servitude. His training has better defined me. I am and always will be truly thankful to him.

Well my sister in law came back to Second life. She is a real pain in the ass. I understand why she has to be though, as most of my life I am in control of everything. She wanted to learn about being a slave. Surely I could teach her all there was to know, at least from what I have learned. I asked my friend, and surely he was happy to accept us. This was just before Christmas.

Truth is I knew my friend would be perfect. I treasure him. He has been an important part of my life this past year. He has helped me with hard decisions, given me advice, and when I needed provided me with that dominant force in my life. If I lived closer, you would bet your ass I would ask for his collar. I love him and his girl very much.

I am happily collared to a wonderful man. This man allows me to be in my friends slave house on Second life. I am very thankful that he allows me such kind gifts. I honestly don’t know where I would be without the few people in my life. I have begun to narrow down the douche bags in my life, and thankfully each individual person I have in my life has been able to help me. Thank you my Master, Breve, Kysa, Ki, Angel, and Shannabear. You all mean the world to me. Without you, I do not know what I would do.

Peaceful Warrior

A friend of mine wanted me to watch a movie called, The Peaceful Warrior. It is a drama, about a male gymnast who gets injured in a motorcycle accident. Anyways, during this film the college student meets a man that decides to help him to live his life better. The college student had a huge ego, and because of it was burning bridges in his life. He was certain he was the best at it all. When he got into his accident it angered him very much, but this man helped him. Everyone wanted something from this college kid, and so he did his best to give them what they wanted instead of following his own heart.

“Everyone tells you what to do and what’s good for you. They don’t want you to find your own answers; they want you to find theirs.” Peaceful Warrior

In life, why would you spend your time trying to do what others want you to do? Now, I know this go against my Gorean slave ethics but in reality…we aren’t doormats!!! We can say no, we just have consequences. Why ask someone a question, and take their word for it? Why not gather your own information, seek out the answer for yourself, and not just be blinded because someone said it.

“All you gotta do is being conscious of your choices, and responsible of your actions.” Peaceful Warrior

This is true. Many people say all you need to do in life is pay your taxes and die. You know what, that isn’t true. You need to be conscious of your choices, making the right decision for yourself…Do not worry about others, they do not live your life…Just know that your decision, actions have consequences, do not hide from them. Embrace them, accept them, and move on….

Many slaves tend to do this. The only person you need to think about is you’re Owner, and yourself. I know, I know…a slave should only think about their owner’s needs…Bull shit. An unhappy slave will not serve…PERIOD!!!! Do not forget that a slave gives you the power to control them, they can take it away. It is a gift, and not one to take lightly…Do not worry about your slave sisters that share your chain. Sure they become friends, and help with pleasing your owner, but you do not serve them, you do not cater to them….You serve your owner, and so his happiness may come first, but do not forget that you are not a door mat and have choices you can decide on yourself…just be ready to accept your consequences…

“The Journey is what brings us happiness.” Peaceful Warrior

This last quote I believe is what he wanted me to learn the most. My dear friend has been at me for weeks. I always want a guarantee in my relationships. I guess the way it comes across is a guarantee. If I know it won’t amount to anything, I won’t be with someone. That’s just who I have always been.  I used to be careless with my love life. Taking it as it came to me, and when it was gone it was gone. For some reason now I have to have at least the hope that something more would come of it.

As a slave, I want that commitment that when I am owned I will be owned until my dying day. Finding the Master to give me that commitment is harder than anything. I know it can happen because I see it all the time. Girls who have been owned by men for 20 years. I want that. Without some little hope that I can get that from someone, then I won’t continue with the relationship.

Maybe he is right. Maybe I need to step back and just enjoy the ride?

Can you have love...without...trust?

Leonardo da Vinci: What have you done?

Henry: I have been born to privilege and with that comes specific obligations.

Leonardo da Vinci: Horseshit

Henry: You’re out of line, old man

Leonardo da Vinci: No, you are out of line. Have you any idea what that girl went through to get here tonight?

Henry: She lied to me

Leonardo da Vinci: She came to tell you the truth and you fed her to the wolves.

Henry: What do you know? You build flying machines and you walk on water, and yet you know nothing about life.

Leonardo da Vinci: I know that a life without love is not life at all.

Henry: And love without trust? What of that?

Leonardo da Vinci: She’s your match, Henry.

Henry: I am but a servant to my crown and I have made my decision. I will not yield!

Leonardo da Vinci: Then you don’t deserve her.

Maybe if someone lied they have the chance to redeem themselves?  When does having to much pride, cross the line of standing up for yourself? I was always raised that if you lie, than you will always lie. How do you rebuild a bridge after someone has lied to you so much?

When is to much, really to much? When do you say No more, and toss someone aside and leave them behind so you can have a better life? Sure a life without love, is no life at all, but Henry has a point. What is love without trust?

So long and thanx for all the fish

(Had to put this here for you Master, for all the talks of Disney we had)

So, it turns out some things are not meant to be. After spending time with an amazing man, whom owned me, let me just say, it was amazing, he is a great Master, and great man. Very strict, and compassionate at the same time.

However, we both seek different things, which is fine. I don’t hate him, nor am I angry. I am happy that we both can be adults. We are going to stay friends, which is great as well, because I do care and value that friendship. I wish it could have been more, but I am happy that we can both be up front and honest.

This is how relationships should be. No fighting or bickering. Just understanding.

So for you Master Thunder…

Thank you for the opportunity to serve you, and to be witness to the type of man you are. For allowing me to grow in my submission, and most importantly, Thank you for being a friend and showing me true understanding and compassion.

You will find that star you’re looking for, I promise Master.