So I am reading Kajira of Gor. I pick and choose what books I want to read now, I will eventually read them all. Though this book is truly how I feel. They do it in the views of the Tatrix (female ruler) and she is talking about how agonizing it is. How she dreams about being a slave, or what it would feel like to serve men. She also talks about how she loves men, all men, and wants to serve them but she is fighting herself.
I do that. I fight myself. I want to be a slave, with my whole heart I know I am one. I play a free woman in Gor, and it kills me. How can I be a free woman when I want to kneel and please men. I want them to Master me, to make me yield in all the ways a woman should.
I want to kneel and beg to serve and to be taken and forced to be truly a woman, truly feminine truly to what I am to be. I hate that I have honor and integrity and that I keep my word. Why cant I just be happy being a slave? Why cant people just realize that is who I am, what I am?
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