Today was rather long for me. I didn’t sleep very well. My knee was killing me, and it made me toss and turn all night. My eyes are burning still, as if I am tired. I am unsure if it is because I am tired, or if it is because of my new eating habits. On top of that, I am sick and tired of being around my family. On top of which, my parents are basically trying to take over the raising of my daughter. It took all of my strength to not yell at my mom today. I love her, but some days I just want to punch her in the face.
Other than that I was so happy to hear my Master’s voice today. Hearing him in the morning is so soothing to me. I think I could just hear him rant about anything, and I would find a calming place in my head to just relax. All the bad things in the world disappear; and all that remains is just the two of us. The fact that I feel closer to him now, than I ever have is amazing. We have had so many problems in the past. I think most of it is contributed to a certain person that we both know.
I am once again reminded of my lesson to not listen to rumors. Not only that, but trusting people. It is the hardest thing for me to do, but when you know someone for two years, and they have never let you down you tend to start trusting them. The fact this person was so shady, and deceitful in the end, makes me wonder if they were like this to begin with. I still do not understand that if you are so honest and dependable, why someone would be so cruel.
I am determined however, to make this work with my Master. I know he isn’t perfect, and neither am I. I will remember that when we are working through our issues. I am also hoping to remember who I am, and to always know my place. I know I will screw up occasionally, but I am pushing myself every day to push through my fears.
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